I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
third nipple confirmed
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
