I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
