I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
You may now shotgun with the bride
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
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