Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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