elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
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