So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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