Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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