Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Randomize
