i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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