well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
worst night to have a conscience
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Randomize
