are you still at the devil's house?
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
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