um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize