so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
