It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
