If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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