He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Randomize
