making cat noises will not fix the situation.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
