I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
