the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
im about as happy as oj after his trial
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize