mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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