I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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