Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
