Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
