Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
