there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
