I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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