We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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