you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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