im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
So I just went to clothing optional bar
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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