You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize