My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize
