i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Swine flu is the new snow day.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
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