considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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