im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize