There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
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