when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
