u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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