Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
I was not drunk enough for that final.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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