Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Randomize
