I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Randomize
