Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Randomize
