What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Randomize
