dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
