So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
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