My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize