It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
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