you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
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