Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
how drunk are you?
Several
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize