If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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