Non-Jews are for practice
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
