drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
