He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
