I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize