I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
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