Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Randomize
