I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
My feet surprised me
Randomize
