you guys were way drunker than both of me
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Randomize
