oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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