I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
