My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Randomize
