I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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