i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize
