my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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