woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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