you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Randomize
