Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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