More tranny stories later!
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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