i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
