He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
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